May 9 - Talk about Sensual

After mustering up the doughtiness, requesting a meeting on a chillingly emollient morning, there I was sitting in my car. Choice words shared with a confidant in order to clear my mind. He pulled up into the parking lot. Breathe in, Breathe out. The long walk commenced. Idle banter volleyed between courts: his vs. mine. You can do it, just go for it, I told myself. One, Two, Three. I couldn't. What if this was all for naught? What if this became a tatterdemalion mess, this comfortable familiarity, like an abecedarian doctor quaking in his wake during his first life-or-death surgery? I wouldn't have known what to do with myself after that point. The walk was nearing to an end. I knew I had to say something. He said goodbye and started walking away. There went my chance. It slipped through my fingers like sand, blown away like dust in the wind. I got half way up the front steps before I realized that it was now or never. I couldn't run from this anymore. I had to take this chance, the first chance I've ever taken. My first act leaving me completely vulnerable, no bulwark between the world and me. I had to get this secret, this leech, off my chest before all blood was drained. Before all heart functions tapered, whether through rejection or remaining uncognizant. Wait, I wanted to tell you something. His attention was caught, like a fly in a spider's web. With an all knowing smirk, he stood poised appearing to be on the defense and offense. One, Two, Three, Go. I like you. Silence. The spider assailed the unsuspecting fly. His expression went through a microcosm of emotions, all of which ranging from surprised to speechless. In a split second, everything went vacuous. His face returned to normalcy. The smirk reappeared, only difference being the soft expression. He figured as much. That's what he said. What a way to start a morning. (One month later, I got to hear the words I was longing for: 'Jess, you know I like you, right?')

Vocab List:
Doughtiness (noun): courage, bravery
Emollient (adj): making less harsh; softening, soothing
Volleyed (verb): to move or proceed rapidly
Tatterdemalion (adj): unkempt, dilapidated, ragged
Abecedarian (noun): a beginner in a field of learning
Bulwark (noun): a person, thing, or concept that is a defense or protection
Tapered (verb): to diminish or lessen gradually.
Uncognizant (noun): unaware
Assailed (verb): to attack, assault
Vacuous (adj): devoid of matter, void of expression; blank